Re: Harsh criticism needed

by "Dennis J Keibler" <dennisk(at)>

 Date:  Tue, 11 Jan 2005 10:42:21 -0500
 To:  <hwg-critique(at)>
 Cc:  <jqg(at)>
  todo: View Thread, Original
>>> John Garside <jqg(at)> 1/11/2005 5:31:00 AM >>>
>The sentence that says, "We then prepare the detailed programme and =
>dates etc. for delivery" should be re-evaluated. Since one of the =
>points is quality, any grammatical or typographical errors are serious =

Just two things stopped me from getting a perfect night's sleep:

... 2. What are the grammatical or typographical errors in the sentence =
quoted above?

My apologies for causing the loss of sleep. It's probably unnecessary to =
worry over such things way into the night, but I completely understand. I =
often do the same thing too. ;-)

The point I should have made more clear is to recheck the grammar to see =
if it is correct. If there is doubt, rephrase the sentences. In this case, =
your grammar may be perfectly acceptable for your audience. I'm not =
familiar with the rules of writing in the UK, and I can only speak to the =
stylistic demands of business and academic writing in the United States.

So fwiw (in the U.S.) ...
The expression et cetera is usually avoided in formal writing; a phrase =
such as "and so on" would be used instead. When etc. is used to close a =
series, a comma is placed before and after the expression (except at the =
end of a sentence).=20

In your web page text, I'm not sure what "agree dates" are, but this is =
probably a cultural difference. I'm guessing an Agree Date is like a Time =
Line. Is that correct? Or, reading it another way, do you mean you agree =
upon dates for delivery?

Some other ways to construct the paragraph would be:
-  Once we have an idea of your training goals, we work with you to =
determine the exact nature of your requirements and design a suitable =
solution. We then prepare the detailed programme and agree dates for =
-  Once we understand your specific training requirements and goals, we =
prepare the detailed programme, a time line, project deliverables, and so =
on, for your review.

The variations could go on and on, but the point is that the sentences can =
be written in such a way that any ambiguity is avoided.

I hope you know I'm not trying to criticize your writing. I know my own =
writing is far from perfect. Rather, I'm offering my perspective as a =
fellow website creator from the U.S. From looking at your website, I not =
only saw another design strategy, but I'm taking away a greater awareness =
of the differences in global communication styles. In the future, when I =
design websites for a more global audience, I will definitely be submitting=
 the site for review by others - specifically, by those outside of the =
United States.

Hope you get caught up on some sleep.
Dennis K

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