I agree with everyone else on the colors/image. 

Other things not touched on as much yet: 

I think you need to work on the wording of your introductory paragraph.
I don't know that there is a benefit to sounding like you are new unless
your company is already well known, and just didn't offer services to
this market. I agree with whoever said the jargon needed to be toned
down. I'm not sure I know what you are offering. 

I might not even mention the "work is under way" part. It sounds like
you are apologizing or don't offer what the customer needs yet. I would
play up what you do offer instead. 

Under consultancy (which I agree with whoever didn't like that term) I
don't understand "specializing in our offerings" What offerings? What is
it you specialize in offering? I really feel I am missing some key piece
of information here.

I think this sentence needs to be reworded: "Contact your personal
coordinator today and start the ball rolling to a scheduled and planned
start, to finish." Is there a word missing after scheduled and planned?
Or are you saying the start is scheduled and planned? And I think is
should be toward instead of "to a".

Lori

p.s. I am guessing that Wahikan has some meaning that ties to the image
you chose. Enlighten us - what does it mean and what language is it
from?

HTML: hwg-critique mailing list archives, maintained by Webmaster @ IWA